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Marriage Had Perils from Start


If Adam and Even were the hubby and wife that I envision, they differed in more areas than number of ribs and fruit preferences.

If truth be told, the he and she of the first couple probably had little in common when it came to impulse shopping.

No doubt Adam, who resembled modern men, labored long from Monday through Friday so he could kick back on weekends and pursue his private Eden.

Much like the husband at my house, he probably putzed around on Saturdays, pushed a few leaves into a heap, and opened and shut every draw in his work bench before finding some excuse to fire up the pickup and head for the discount store.

Visiting one of the gargantuan sell-alls-which my French ami Augustin Quilici lumps together under the umbrella term K-Wal-Adam surely felt at home among bins of molly bolts, blister packs of ratcheted tools, rows of pulsating stereo speakers, and stacks of treated 2 x 4's.

I can see him now, buggy loaded with camouflage gear, the pick of the video rack, a few blue-light specials from the pet section, and the latest Black & Decker buzzbomb.

Clutching plastic, he edged his way into the express lane so he could rush home and field-test the lastest male gadgetry, be it electronic, cordless, or AAA-operated.

Though Eve might have enjoyed a jaunt through the mall, where philodendron-twined escalator rails and poufs of Giorgio lured her into tonier shopping havens, Adam dug in his heels at the first sign of Ralph Lauren.

Totally disconnected from trendy labels, kitchen boutiques, or decanters marked "tester," Adam was fair game for more macho emporia-the concrete-and-I-beam mega-warehouses springing up on suburbia's fringes.

The First Male, completely at home among steel-framed canyons stacked to the ceiling with cases of STP, oversized jars of GoJo, and boxes stamped "some assembly required" in neat Korean, probably kept a scrap on the fridge and scribbled crucial items on his want list.

I can see him now, "honey-do" sheet in hand and eye to the overhead signboard pointing paint/hardware/lighting to left, appliances/home decor/patio 'n pool to right.

Unable to resist a few tubes of naval jelly, a couple of hose rewinds at end-of-season prices, and the sweetest little markdown on wheelbarrows this side of heaven, he stalked the aisles, toting sums on his calculator and rushing to Sam's to see if he really was as canny a shopper as he pretended.

Back home, Adam might have had some tall explaining to do to the lady of the house concerning his need for yet another tool chest, pegboard, or extension cord.

Even the promise that he would salt in a few more apple trees before winter might not have spared him time in the doghouse for succumbing to the jazziest of chainsaws.

Somehow it's comforting to know that life for the First Couple had its compromises and that, when it comes to weakness, the male of the species has always had his temptations.


Charlotte Observer
"Catawba Valley Neighbors,"
November 8, 1992

 

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Mary Ellen Snodgrass Tel/Fax: (828) 324-0155